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Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
10:24 pm - yo
wow it's been a while since I've updated this thing...

not much has been going on in this lifetime, I'm back in college, workin for a computer company and driving a semi-fast car lol.  I'm very suprised at the amount of users viewing my page, I had totally forgotten about this thing.  Thank you to the people who have reminded me, you know who you are :)  I guess i'm going to try and keep updating this thing everyonce and a while....  I've got a webpage up that I rarely update as well, you can visit at http://members.cox.net/xonedaccord and check out pictures and crap. Well I'm out... latah people

current mood: bored

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Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
3:25 am
wow...my exgf made a page about me.... its pretty cool and simple. here it is. http://expage.com/twinklingstar20

current mood: happy

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Sunday, November 17th, 2002
10:33 pm
I found this very amusing. I'm 80% asian yo!





How ASIAN are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

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Monday, October 7th, 2002
11:57 pm - why
why is life so fucking hard? Why is it that everything seems to just piss me off anymore these days. Why is it that my life sucks ballz? why do i have to be depressesd....why? everyday i just wanna end it so i don't have to ask why. i have no purpose on this earth, why waste time on it. why can't i just die now? what am i afraid of? i should just end this. but why do i hesitate?

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Saturday, October 5th, 2002
2:30 am
well, my depression is back.... the medication worked while it lasted. Now i'm out. Heh. I'm still thinkin about death alot now...even more. Why? Cuz I just want out of this place...i wanna be in solitude, i want to be left alone. Right now the only places i have the most joy are at work, and when I'm asleep. At work all my hurt, all my pain is gone because i'm so busy "Acting" like nothing is wrong. When i'm asleep I dream, when i dream i see things that will never ever happen. So If I die I will forever be in a dream? or something else. And I don't have to act anymore. well thats all.

current mood: confused

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Thursday, October 3rd, 2002
4:50 pm - death again...
this is gonna be a venting session so if u don't care don't post.

Lately I personally have been thinking alot about Death, Committing Suicide. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. And that damn near killed me. Because of that I'm now depressed and all this other shit. I was on drugs called Celexa but i ran out and that shit expensive....and I think my depression is coming back. Just recently I've moved to a new town, and I don't know anybody except Angie. And being Anti-Social I don't go out or anything..... My life sucks.

Anyways, now my parents are pushing me to go to school, which 1. I don't have money for.
2. I'm not ready for.
3. I'm afraid
4. I'm Lazy
5. I work too damn much.
6. I don't know what i want to do.

With them pushing me more and more everyday it pisses me off and I just want to end it all so they'll shut up, so everyone will shut up.

So Death is my only solution right now, i just want to go off a cliff, bridge, whatever. I don't care. I just want to end the hurt, end the pain that my life has caused.

Cliff Notes:
I want to die. My life sucks.

current mood: confused

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Monday, September 2nd, 2002
12:25 am
As i sit here contemplating life. I wonder, why am I still here? Why do I live on? My life is going no where as of this point. I'm supposed to go to school, but I chose not to. I don't know why. I'm stuck at a job, where I do most of all the friggin work. Its pain. Why do i still harbor feelings for my ex girlfriend. I want to shove them aside, and forget about them and her. But i can't its too hard. Death seems like a solution right now. I've wanted to die so many times, I want to die now. But will it end the pain? The hurt? the anger? doubtful. I need something, or someone to take me away from this depression, someone to lift me out of this hell. Someday.... If i haven't killed myself.

current mood: lonely

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Sunday, September 1st, 2002
1:54 am
well i think i'm gonna end the night trying to get rid of some thoughts..... My life sucks. Everyday its the same shit, over and over. I wake up, go to work, come home, sit at this computer, then go to bed. It's repetitive and old. I need a change. Also, It hurts me so much, when i hear my ex gf is taking on other boy friends so quickly.... i dunno shes going out with different guys all the time now....it seems like shes a slut, but shes not. I wanna tell her it hurts to hear it, but i gotta chear her on. I gotta hide my feelings.

On the lighter note... My uncle's friend has suggested i go back to Vietnam and marry his niece.... He says shes pretty, etc... I'm really considering this thought. But it'll be expensive :(. I just dunno anymore, i've given up on any kind of relationship...any kind of friendship. I'm afraid of being hurt. Still depressed.

Man, i turned that into a sad story again.... oh well... and work. Heh, I've got customers....alot! i'm happy about that....sorta. well off 2 bed.

current mood: indescribable

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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
2:22 am
i dont know how to start today.... i've been talking to my ex. shes found someone new.... in my heart i still love her with all my heart. i miss her. but i don't wanna tell her. it hurts. we talk every night, but we're so distant anymore...its like... shes just an aquaintance. i need someone in my life. i'm lonely, i'm cold. i dunno what to do. I was watching Queen of the Dammed today. It made me contemplate what it feels like to be a vampire. if i could i would want to experience it someday. To live as an immortal. but an eternity of pain. i dunno. well thast all i'm goin to bed.

current mood: indescribable

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Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
1:28 am - racing...
man i just can't stop racing for the life of me. today as i was coming home from my uncle's restaurant. there was this car following me. i look back and i see this kid...hes a regular customer at the restarant. hes got this mid 90's camry with an exhaust and stickers out the wazoo. anyways, he started getting all up in my ass. So i gun it...hoping there are no cops around.... i'm goin 100, then i realize i'm goin almost 130..... i slow down.... boy was that a rush.... he was way behind me for a little bit. then we got to a light, he was behind me, i turned left.... and i got onto a smaller street, well it was a side road from a highway. at first i didn't do anything, then he came up on me again....then i said fug it....this kid wants some exhaust....so i gun it.....i hi 100 in no time.... goin down this 50 mile an hour road at 120.... hes way behind me...hahaah..... oh well. neways i get to my house and turn off...he keeps going. boy that was fun....

current mood: indescribable

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Friday, August 23rd, 2002
4:12 pm
well update.... Tammy and I broke up :( we decided that we needed a break. I'm still heart broken about the situation and stuff. I wanted to kill myself so much for so many days. But i decided it wasn't worth it. Anyways life still sucks. Doctor says I'm depressed cuz of that little dillema, AND cuz now that i've moved to a new town i have no friends i'm having trouble adjusting. So I'm on stupid medication.... called celexa :(. well almost time for work. L8er

current mood: depressed

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Saturday, August 3rd, 2002
12:14 pm
Well its been a year since i've posted on this thingy.... thanx to adam i remmebered that i've still got it.... Anyways an update i guess.... Well about a month and a half ago i met my one true love...well at least i thought she was. She made me the happiest guy in the world when i was around her. About a week after i went home, her cousin Timmy left back home to Alabama. That kind of broke her heart. I comforted her as much as I could. But work delayed me on it. So while i was gone at work, she found comfort somewhere else. Now she is confused on how she feels about our relationship. It saddens me how she could throw away 4 years of a life spent for a few sad moments with another person. I think our relationship is falling apart. I try to do everything i can to bring it back but....nothing seems to work. I still love this girl with all my heart, all my soul. But i don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to break up with her, but if it happens, it happens. I can't control it. Well thats it for now.... maybe i'll post some more tonight.

current mood: depressed

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Friday, June 22nd, 2001
12:13 am
wow its been a while since i've updated this thing... well here goes... whats new uhmmm i just bought the Deftone's new CD White Pony, great CD :D uhmm i've found out that i have anemia (lack of red blood cells, which means lack of oxygen) this is the reason why i have had major trouble with my breathing especially at night. i'm hoping the doctors could help me. Other than this stuff... i've beein trying to work hard and get the infamous H22a(honda prelude engine) for my car which will cost about 3k whew...thats all for now :)

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Saturday, May 26th, 2001
8:42 pm
uhmmm DM told me to post... this so here goes.... well today some dum fuk tried to break into my car today :( the fucker prolly took a bat to my rear driver side window, i think he was either goin for my cd-player, speakers, 5.00 gift certificate for crouching tiger hidden dragon...or whatever's inside... well i have to end up paying for the window, tuesday cuz everyone is fucking clozed monday...eh oh well...enuf of my ranting...bye

current mood: blank

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Tuesday, May 15th, 2001
7:13 am
Finally got pics of my rims up, had to use Doug's Digi-Cam to take pictures :D neways here it is http://azn.hondapowered.com/picsindapark.htm

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Monday, April 30th, 2001
8:57 pm
god damn it i just humiliated myself at the grocerie store today... well heres the story.. there is this girl named Carley that works where i usta work..well she started about a month after me... my parents adored her, and i kinda liked her too. now my friends force me to go up and ask her if shes got a bf...well she says yes. i dunno why but that totally broke my heart. grrr...why do these things always happen??? *dies*

current mood: sad

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Thursday, April 26th, 2001
9:00 pm
Well got me rims in Monday! Whooo hooo! hehe :D. got em installed Wednesday cuz it was the only day i could do it. Now my car is all phat and stuff :D. neways this time i got the QT-S10's QT=Quantum Tek...pretty coo company. next! tint the windows or AEM CAI. payce out!

current mood: good

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Saturday, April 21st, 2001
10:18 pm
well lets see, my dad and i ordered rims yesterday so they will be here on wednesday... whoo hoo. go to http://www.3dstream.net/azn/img23wqts10.jpg thats them! uhh other than that, today i felt like shiat... i tried to go bowling with my friends...well i got there, kicked everyone's ass in one game and then left...i dont know i guess i wasnt having enough fun it just sucked. oh well

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Sunday, April 15th, 2001
10:15 pm
man...sometimes parents are so fucking confusing... well heres my story. last month my parents told me i could get a car if i saved up enough money for a down payment. Then the beginning of this month they tell me to stop lookin at cars and wait until i get into college and buy a car then. i'm like ok... fine. So now I'm just about to get some rims for my car and boom my dad tells me i can buy another car. i tell myself make up your mind dad! so now its time for car shopping :D

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Wednesday, April 11th, 2001
9:08 pm
well today sucked ass... it all started when i had to go do enrollment for senior year...well i chose the classes i wanted...theni got my mid-terms...and i had a fuckin C in math..i was pissed, i did all my work and shit but still the teacher was a bitch. neways it'll be up by the end of this year. after that i entered enrollment cards into the comptuer for my teacher...for a grade of course. work was cool...i sat there and painted shelves..it was boring yet time consuming. after i got home i got a big ass lecture from dad saying i should help around the house more since i'm almost 18. so i decided today is the day i start acting more responsible etc...damn it why do i have to grow up?

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